Article 123063 of alt.peeves: From: nospam@nospam.nospam.nospam (Claudio Calvelli) Newsgroups: uk.misc,uk.current-events.general,uk.politics.misc,alt.peeves Subject: Re: screwed-up people who hate children References: <3417a899.39888228@news.demon.co.uk> <33FA0304.45D1@luna.co.uk> <19970819.203629.98@hotch.demon.co.uk.spam.free.zone> <5th4ti$r25@scotsman.ed.ac.uk> <5thcu7$p6b@scotsman.ed.ac.uk> <33FC9507.3F54@ic.ac.uk> <340019e8.7392630@news.artnet.net> Message-ID: X-Newsreader: slrn (0.9.2.0 BETA UNIX) NNTP-Posting-Host: public.antipope.org X-NNTP-Posting-Host: public.antipope.org Date: 22 Aug 97 09:17:45 GMT Organization: "Cable Internet (post doesn't reflect views of Cable Internet)" Lines: 99 Path: matra.meer.net!news1.best.com!su-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!baron.netcom.net.uk!netcom.net.uk!cableinet-uk!news.cableinet.co.uk!ispc-news.cableinet.net!nospam Xref: matra.meer.net uk.misc:161564 uk.current-events.general:855 uk.politics.misc:34400 alt.peeves:123063 Terry Austin wrote: >Hell, lock 'em in a box, and feed through a slot until they turn 18. >Then seal up the slot. If they can't figure a way out, we don't want >'em polluting the gene pool anyway. This reminds me of the Baby Bag (tm), a tool aven more useful now than when the article was originally posted. Well, for the few pence of bandwidth wasted here it is - without the original author's permission (but then, for what it's worth he refused to put his name on it at the time). Baby Bag (tm) From: Assurdo@edinburgh.ac.uk (Claudio Sheepdog) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: Re: Cryin' baby express ... what to do? Date: 17 Oct 92 08:30:05 GMT Trouble with tetchy infants on long flights? Is junior drowning out the roar of the jet engines? Are other passengers passing you "Shut him up or he learns to skydive" notes? If so, Assurdo Childcare have the answer for you! BABY BAG (tm) Baby Bag (tm) is a large, soft sack moulded from real polyethylene! Its twin thicknesses of Assurdo's patent Insulofoam (tm) ensure that while the noise level inside the bag may exceed 140dB, no sound is audible outside the bag. So if junior insists on screaming his little heart out, just pop him in your Baby Bag (tm), close the handy Seel-Tite (tm) fastener and enjoy the rest of your flight in silence. Baby Bag (tm) is ergonomically designed and available in a variety of colours to match most luggage. The tough real polyethylene exterior means that Baby Bag (tm) can safely be stored in unpressurised cargo holds, should your flight be overbooked. Baby Bag (tm) has also been carefully sized so that it will comfortably fit in overhead luggage lockers and/or underseat luggage storage space. Baby Bag (tm) even comes complete with a moulded handle and clip-on wheels, allowing you to keep your child with you in busy airports while keeping your hands free. Baby Bag (tm) comes with a number of optional extras. Dual Baby Bag (tm) comes with two compartments, rendering the care of twins just as easy as if you had only one child. The two compartments are separated by a layer of Insulofoam (tm) allowing one child to sleep while the other screams. Baby Bag Deluxe (tm) adds a whole host of extra features, including a clear Perspulex (tm) view panel to allow baby to look out/you to look in, and a realistic leather effect coating made from real polyethylene. New Improved Baby Bag Deluxe (tm) has all the features of Baby Bag Deluxe (tm) but makes those long flights even more comfortable for junior, through the addition of our revolutionary Airholes (tm). Also Available... KIDDIE BAG (tm) Kiddie Bag (tm) extends the Baby Bag (tm) Total Care Concept (tm) to encompass older children up to age five. In addition to being larger, Kiddie Bag (tm) comes complete with a full set of internal restraining straps, an opening for the easy administering of sedatives and a small hand pump fitment allows the pressure in the outer layer to be increased, making the Kiddie Bag (tm) rigid and thus allowing even the most hyperactive little darlings to remain seated throughout the flight. Catheter fitments ensure that even if your child should need to answer the call of nature, there's no need to undo all those handy straps or depressurise the bag. Combined with Baby Bag (tm), Kiddie Bag (tm) is the ideal way to make your family holidays more bearable. YIPPY DOG BALL (tm) Now Spot can have fun and yip away to its heart's delight without disturbing anyone! Just seal him inside the Yippy Dog Ball (tm), secure the seals and pump it up. Once Yippy Dog Ball (tm) has been properly inflated, your pet can run around and play while making as much noise as she likes and, due to the patent Insulofoam (tm) layer, you won't hear a thing. We regret that, due to difficulties in the manufacturing process, Yippy Dog Ball (tm) does not come with the view panel option, but we're sure Spot won't mind the occasional bump. Assurdo Softechnologies/Childcare Inc - where your problems help our profit. _________________________________________________________________ Claudio Sheepdog - Product Manager Assurdo Softechnologies/Childcare Inc