Article 40763 of alt.sysadmin.recovery: Path: matra.meer.net!news.spies.com!news.sgi.com!news.sprintlink.net!news-peer.sprintlink.net!howland.erols.net!EU.net!usenet2.news.uk.psi.net!uknet!usenet1.news.uk.psi.net!uknet!dispatch.news.demon.net!demon!pootug.demon.co.uk!not-for-mail From: vic@pootug.demon.co.uk (Vic) Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery Subject: Edgar Allan Poe as sysadmin Date: 3 Dec 1996 19:17:47 -0000 Organization: Team Limpid Lines: 132 Approved: vic@pootug.demon.co.uk Message-ID: <581ucr$4v9@pootug.demon.co.uk> NNTP-Posting-Host: pootug.demon.co.uk X-NNTP-Posting-Host: pootug.demon.co.uk Sorry guys, this is what I think EA Poe would have written had he been an admin. You may think it too long but is okay for a parody of "The Raven" The Luser +-------+ Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of UNIX lore -- While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my office door. "'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my office door -- Only this and nothing more." Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, And with my monitor gently glowing wrought its light upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I sought to borrow From my books surcease of sorrow - sorry for the lost zmore -- The fair and wonderous program whom the admins name zmore -- Nameless here for evermore. And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each nylon curtain Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating from my heart, I stood repeating; "'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my office door -- Some late visitor entreating entrance at my office door; This it is and nothing more." Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, "Sir!" said I, "or madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my office door -- That I scarce was sure I heard you" -- here I opened wide the door; -- Darkness there and nothing more. Deep in the darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Hello!" This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Hello!" -- Merely this and nothing more. Back into my office turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon again I heard a tapping something louder than before. "Surely," said I, "surely that is at my window lattice; Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -- Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore; -- 'Tis the wind and nothing more." Open here I flung the shutter, when, with a squint and a stutter, In there climbed a gangly luser of the saintly days of yore. Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he, But, with mien of lord or lady, perched his arse just by my door -- Sat up on my chair of leather just beside my office door -- Perched, and sat, and nothing more. Then this emaciated luser beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore, "Though thy hair be long and unshaven, thou," I said, "art sure a craven, Ghastly grim and effluent luser wandering from the Nightly shore -- Tell me what thy foolish name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!" Quoth the luser "Zedemore" Much I marvelled this ungainly luser to hear discourse so plainly, Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore; For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being Ever yet was cursed with seeing a luser sat beside his office door -- Man or beast upon the seat beside his office door, With such a name as "Zedemore." But the luser, sitting lonely on that leather seat spoke only That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing farther then he uttered; not a word then he stuttered -- Till I scarcely more than muttered: "Other lusers have flown before -- By the morrow he will leave me as my hopes have flown before." Then the luser said "Zedemore." Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, "Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store, Caught from some unhappy mother whom unmerciful Disaster Followed fast and followed faster till his life one burden bore - Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore Of the luser "Zedemore." But the luser still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling, Straight, I wheeled a cushioned seat in from of the spod and chair and door; Then, upon the draylon sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ludicrous luser of yore -- With this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ludicrous luser of yore Meant in croaking "Zedemore." "Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still if spod or devil! -- Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -- On this office by Horror haunted, --tell me truly, I implore -- Is there -- is there something you have done? -tell me-tell me, I implore!" Quoth the luser "Rm all" "Be those words our sign of parting,luser or fiend!" I shrieked,upstarting - "Get thee back into the tempest and the Night;s Plutonian shore! Leave no coding as a token of that command thy soul has spoken! Leave my network unbroken! - quit the chair beside my door! Take this LART into your heart, and take thy form from by door!" Quoth the luser "It beats no more." And the luser, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting, On the leather easy chair just beside my office door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a dead man that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o'er him streaming shows his life blood on the floor; And my soul from out his shadow smiles for evermore. Shall he live, Nevermore -- Vic --- I ate a popsicle and now my tongue is purple, and my face is sticky. My fingers are gummy, my arms are tacky, my shirt is dripping wet. I'm a syrupy mess! Who can I hug?